First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
