i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
