Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
