I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
