chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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