the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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