i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
