At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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