Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
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