i don't like sucking hair
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
