He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
