That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
