I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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