Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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