after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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