Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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