FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
