so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
