We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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