you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this boner is exhausting
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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