Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
