Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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