They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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