you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
