If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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