you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
