i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
