So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
