shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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