I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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