chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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