i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
