I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That's when you crack a 10am beer
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize