Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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