Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We need to get me chipped asap
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
