is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
don't judge my taste in strippers
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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