Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
