I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As shirtless as possible
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
