my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
