Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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