she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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