Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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