this boner is exhausting
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.