woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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