shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
These Teachers Need To Be Fired
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine