Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
worst night to have a conscience
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
