I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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