I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.