If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid