Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people