After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
