i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
