Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
