I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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