That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
