I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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