So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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We were destined to go to rehab together
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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