You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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