I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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