his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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