I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
