we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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