What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
