Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
