Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Of course I have a pirate flag
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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