I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
