never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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