Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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