Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
