my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
