first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
