I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
