Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
