you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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