I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
