i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Randomize
