are you still at the devil's house?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
