pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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