I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
