Just fell off a train. Bad.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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