I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
