I feel great
I just peed on a car
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
